“Joy is not in things; it is in us”
--Richard Wagner, Composer
Welcome 2011! I cannot believe another year and another decade is upon us!
As I celebrated my nephew Andrew’s 5th birthday on December 15th, it struck me that it was also the fifth anniversary of my Rosa Parks moment, when I left my career in the telecommunications industry. When that happened, I sent my gossamer web out into the wind with no clear destination in mind, simply a vague picture that I wanted to work in a way that made a positive difference in the world, and maybe that difference should have something to do with education, because kids are our future.
Cut to today, and this paragraph in my parents’ Christmas letter: Kristin's biggest change came in October, when she accepted the position as Program Director for Olympic Park Institute, [a non-profit focused on environmental education] working from the Lake Crescent campus. She is responsible for financial reporting, retention sales & marketing, and furthering relationships with local schools, businesses, and Olympic National Park. She was able to rent an above the garage "loft" apartment three houses down from John and I, and can commute by kayak to work! She is enjoying the proximity to family, the beautiful commute, and reconnecting with the local community. Her life coaching business continues to grow as a side business (now based in Port Angeles) and she is offering her Snoqualmie River Cabin as a vacation rental.
“A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”
–Hugh Sidey, Journalist
I continue to laugh in delight and amazement at the way the universe sends me exactly what I need when I am ready for it. My life coaching business was breaking even by June, but not covering my cost of living, and I was torn between my desire to be with my extended family at the lake, and the knowledge that if I wanted my business to be financially sustainable, I would have to commit more fully to my local community.
Enter a job posting on Craigslist … a place I rarely look. The posting was for a Program Director position for Olympic Park Institute. I’d heard of them, but equated them with arts classes, such as basket weaving and wild flower drawing for adults, since they offered those classes back in the 90's, and sent catalogs to advertise their programs. I pursued the lead, however, and researched them online. The more I read, the more amazed I became at both Olympic Park Institute and NatureBridge (the parent company) for the work they are doing to advance environmental education and create a more sustainable future.
I applied for the position, and within six weeks had received the offer and was packing up my cabin to move farther west! I did have some panicked moments, (major change can be exhilarating, but also frightening.) I had to sit on the banks of the river a few times to clear my head and be at peace with the rapid change, reminding myself to be as the river … go with the flow.
I have been following my gossamer thread over the past five years, sometimes skeptically or while hyperventilating, as my inner guide has continued to challenge me to step more and more fully into authentic leadership and a vital and joyful life. The challenge grew throughout my grad program at Seattle University and grew more in my fledgling year as a self-employed life and leadership coach.
In my work as a coach, the principles I most embrace and hope to inspire in others are a focused reconnection to your heart’s deepest passions, full engagement in a community, and a strong reconnection with nature. The more I taught those principles, and felt the call to greater acts of leadership and commitment to community in my own life, the more I tried to persuade myself to engage more directly in the community closest to my riverside home near North Bend.
I knew I needed to center my energy on a smaller sphere, both in the issues and in the location, and although North Bend faces some of the same challenges and issues of the North Olympic Peninsula, the more I told myself to engage, the less I felt inspired to do so. I love the Snoqualmie Valley, and my riverside cabin, but I don’t have the same level of connection to community that I experience on the Olympic Peninsula.
Lake Crescent and its surrounding areas are “home” to me. I feel the challenges and triumphs of the North Olympic Peninsula in a more personal way.
It was in the middle of those mental struggles that I stumbled upon the ad in Craig's list. Trust. That's my message. Know yourself, listen to your struggles, then let go of them, and pay attention to synchronicity.
Here I am, in my “loft” on the Lake, enjoying the serenade of Eagles and Mt. Storm King’s snowy crown, close to my family, making a difference, and earning a living. As I step fully into this new life waiting for me in 2011, I look forward to full engagement in community, and opportunities for influencing some of the key issues that are most meaningful to me: education, a sustainable economic model, engaged communities, and the well-being of people and the planet.
Wishing you all a joyful and abundant year!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tale of the Oliver 1/2 Ironman, by Guest Blogger, Kristine Kloepfer
The story of this race started 3 years ago when I did my first half ironman at Lake Stevens. My goal then was to finish, which I did, with a big grin on my face and tears of joy in my eyes but I knew deep in my heart that someday I wanted to do more than just finish. It would be 3 years before I raced that distance again. I decided I needed to build a much bigger base so I raced lots and lots of sprints and did an Olympic distance last year. So in October when Kathy M. sent out the notice looking for gals who wanted a girls “spa” weekend in Canada this summer, I knew I was ready to take on the challenge. So with the unwavering support of my husband, I signed up before I could second guess the sanity of the whole thing. Official training started the first of January and to my bad luck, I came down with a stress fracture on New Year’s Day. Little did I know then it would be 9 ½ weeks before I ran again. I spent an ungodly amount of time in the pool doing this horrible thing called aqua jogging. It’s kind of like pulling out your own teeth with a pair of pliers, only much worse!! But I do think it helped keep my running fitness up. Aside from the stress fracture training was GREAT! Long rides every Thursday with the crew, and much of my long runs on Fridays with Alissa. Do not know how I could have managed the schedule of half iron training without an amazing group of training partners!! Aside from the Oliver girls there were Karen K (my constant cheerleader, and always willing to bend an ear and brave the freezing open water swims I knew I needed!) and Alissa (who really is the 8th Oliver girl!!) and Kathy G, both out there battling it with the rest of us. It’s so difficult to find time to be a mother, a wife, and a triathlete and the only way it can be done well is with the support of your family which I had. I worked very hard at making sure my training had as little impact on them as possible and I knew I had succeeded when I spoke with my daughter about 2 weeks before the race and she asked me when I was going to start training!!
With lots of anticipation, race weekend finally arrives with a Friday morning meet up at Kathy M’s house. Two cars, eight bikes, way too much luggage, and enough energy to light up the whole town we set off for the great white north! I cannot say enough good things about this group I went up there with but since this is a race report, and not a gushing report about them I’ll just say that I was honored to be a part of this group and this weekend, and these incredible women, will be in the forefront of my memory for the rest of my life!!
So, with the usual tossing and turning all night that usually comes before a big race, I am very relieved when it’s finally time to get up and get going. I have no nerves because in this distance of a race I know I am not “competitive” and that is what usually brings on the nerves for me. I am feeling good and just excited about the day. After having swam in the lake the day before, and driven the bike course, I know at least I am in for a beautiful day. However, when walking into transition, the nerves start a bit but mostly they are under control. Just ready to get started.
This race has 3 very large waves. Guessing, there are about 330 in mine. Much bigger than any race I have ever done. Lots of thrashing, hitting, kicking, grabbing of my feet, etc. etc. And on a single loop course, 1.2 miles looks like a long freaking way!!! Swimming is not my strong suit when it comes to speed but at least I feel comfortable and confident in my ability to swim the distance, just not very quickly. The water is calm at least and every once in a while I can actually just swim and spot for a few minutes at a time. Rounding the last buoy, with about 500 meters to go, the water gets very choppy. Everyone else experienced this too and nobody quite knows why. Made me a little sea sick, and a bit dizzy but didn’t stumble while getting out of the water. This race had wetsuit strippers so I felt a little like an Ironman. It was very cool!!!! Then made the LONG grueling run (I heard .25 miles) on asphalt, in bare feet, carrying my wetsuit, to T1.
Now out on the bike….by far the most scenic bike course ever!! Oliver BC is the wine capital of Canada and you just pass vineyard after vineyard with a backdrop much like Chelan. Stunning!!!! You hear flat and fast about this course but this is not what I experienced. Lots of false flats, headwinds, etc. etc. but there were sections where you could just let loose and fly!!! I felt amazing the entire time. Feeling lucky to have been there, lucky to have had lots of solid training and felt well trained to handle 56 miles. Every picture of me on the bike I have a huge smile on my face!!! I won’t lie, it was hard. The last 10-12 miles I was looking forward to getting off my bike and starting the run. When I finished the bike my Garmin said the bike was 57 miles and so did many others.
T2 went quickly and I was really looking forward to running. Sometimes I have a hard time identifying myself as a triathlete. Usually I feel more like a runner who happens to swim and bike so heading out to the place I feel most at home was a good feeling. The thing I loved most about this run was finally being able to see all my teammates. There is something so comforting about seeing a friendly face out on a long race course and I was able to see every one of them, some of them twice. The course was marked in kilometers instead of miles and like the Vancouver Marathon, led to some confusion about pacing on my part. So I decided to just gauge myself at each 5K mark. I knew if I stayed under 30 minutes each 5K I would be happy with my pace. I was surprised at the first 5K mark when I hit it in 27 minutes but I was feeling great so why slow down?? I managed to keep a real steady pace the entire race doing the first half in 1:01 and the second half in 1:02.
I was all smiles at the finish, partly because I was happy I would be sitting down soon, and partly because it was the race I had dreamed of and wanted so badly for myself. I left nothing out there! It was hard, it was painful, but I felt well prepared for the challenges of that day and finished physically and mentally strong!!
At some point over the weekend we of course all talked about why we do this thing and not surprisingly many of our answers are the same. We lead healthier lives, we keep our mind and body in shape, but mostly I think it’s because something inside us tells us we have to, it’s in our blood. And of course for me, part of the reason is bragging rights, thus this incredibly long race report. I figured I spent 5 months training for this and 6 hours and 1 minute racing so I feel a little less guilty taking 15 minutes of your time for reading. HaHa.
Stats:
Total Time: 6:01:43/ AG placement: 34/81
Swim: 43:58
T1: 5:18 (remember the .25 mile run from the swim)
Bike: 3:06:34 /avg. 18.3mph
T2: 2:07
Run: 2:03:48 /avg. 9:26 minute miles
With lots of anticipation, race weekend finally arrives with a Friday morning meet up at Kathy M’s house. Two cars, eight bikes, way too much luggage, and enough energy to light up the whole town we set off for the great white north! I cannot say enough good things about this group I went up there with but since this is a race report, and not a gushing report about them I’ll just say that I was honored to be a part of this group and this weekend, and these incredible women, will be in the forefront of my memory for the rest of my life!!
So, with the usual tossing and turning all night that usually comes before a big race, I am very relieved when it’s finally time to get up and get going. I have no nerves because in this distance of a race I know I am not “competitive” and that is what usually brings on the nerves for me. I am feeling good and just excited about the day. After having swam in the lake the day before, and driven the bike course, I know at least I am in for a beautiful day. However, when walking into transition, the nerves start a bit but mostly they are under control. Just ready to get started.
This race has 3 very large waves. Guessing, there are about 330 in mine. Much bigger than any race I have ever done. Lots of thrashing, hitting, kicking, grabbing of my feet, etc. etc. And on a single loop course, 1.2 miles looks like a long freaking way!!! Swimming is not my strong suit when it comes to speed but at least I feel comfortable and confident in my ability to swim the distance, just not very quickly. The water is calm at least and every once in a while I can actually just swim and spot for a few minutes at a time. Rounding the last buoy, with about 500 meters to go, the water gets very choppy. Everyone else experienced this too and nobody quite knows why. Made me a little sea sick, and a bit dizzy but didn’t stumble while getting out of the water. This race had wetsuit strippers so I felt a little like an Ironman. It was very cool!!!! Then made the LONG grueling run (I heard .25 miles) on asphalt, in bare feet, carrying my wetsuit, to T1.
Now out on the bike….by far the most scenic bike course ever!! Oliver BC is the wine capital of Canada and you just pass vineyard after vineyard with a backdrop much like Chelan. Stunning!!!! You hear flat and fast about this course but this is not what I experienced. Lots of false flats, headwinds, etc. etc. but there were sections where you could just let loose and fly!!! I felt amazing the entire time. Feeling lucky to have been there, lucky to have had lots of solid training and felt well trained to handle 56 miles. Every picture of me on the bike I have a huge smile on my face!!! I won’t lie, it was hard. The last 10-12 miles I was looking forward to getting off my bike and starting the run. When I finished the bike my Garmin said the bike was 57 miles and so did many others.
T2 went quickly and I was really looking forward to running. Sometimes I have a hard time identifying myself as a triathlete. Usually I feel more like a runner who happens to swim and bike so heading out to the place I feel most at home was a good feeling. The thing I loved most about this run was finally being able to see all my teammates. There is something so comforting about seeing a friendly face out on a long race course and I was able to see every one of them, some of them twice. The course was marked in kilometers instead of miles and like the Vancouver Marathon, led to some confusion about pacing on my part. So I decided to just gauge myself at each 5K mark. I knew if I stayed under 30 minutes each 5K I would be happy with my pace. I was surprised at the first 5K mark when I hit it in 27 minutes but I was feeling great so why slow down?? I managed to keep a real steady pace the entire race doing the first half in 1:01 and the second half in 1:02.
I was all smiles at the finish, partly because I was happy I would be sitting down soon, and partly because it was the race I had dreamed of and wanted so badly for myself. I left nothing out there! It was hard, it was painful, but I felt well prepared for the challenges of that day and finished physically and mentally strong!!
At some point over the weekend we of course all talked about why we do this thing and not surprisingly many of our answers are the same. We lead healthier lives, we keep our mind and body in shape, but mostly I think it’s because something inside us tells us we have to, it’s in our blood. And of course for me, part of the reason is bragging rights, thus this incredibly long race report. I figured I spent 5 months training for this and 6 hours and 1 minute racing so I feel a little less guilty taking 15 minutes of your time for reading. HaHa.
Stats:
Total Time: 6:01:43/ AG placement: 34/81
Swim: 43:58
T1: 5:18 (remember the .25 mile run from the swim)
Bike: 3:06:34 /avg. 18.3mph
T2: 2:07
Run: 2:03:48 /avg. 9:26 minute miles
Monday, March 15, 2010
Lessons on Giving (& Receiving) Feedback
“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.”
-Ken Blanchard
I coach a girls U15 club volleyball team. Success in six-on-six volleyball requires intense collaboration from the entire team. Each position requires its own set of strengths and skills. To stay “in system” requires trust, collective skill, and individual talent. If any touch of the ball is off even just slightly, the entire system is impacted, and the team must adjust both individually and cohesively and with physical, mental and emotional agility in order to win points and the match.
The role of volleyball coach draws on all my intrinsic strengths and passions, and challenges me to stretch in ways that make me a better leader. I love selecting and getting to know and understand twelve diverse and emergent personalities, developing them into a strong and cohesive team, and rendering them capable of winning matches together using all of their individual and collective skills in a short time period.
I do it because I love it, but that doesn’t make it easy.
The last two tournaments have not been kind to us. The “tiger spirit” that has been our “come from behind” saving grace and earned us a 3rd place spot in a prior tournament went missing.
In the beginning of the season, I told the girls that the team was their team as much as it was ours (my assistant coach and mine.) I let them know that they would have the opportunity to help set the tone of the team. I also told them that my goal is to both win and play all of them, but that play time would not be equal. To help them understand my philosophy and style so they could be successful, I gave them a list of my expectations:
1. Focus & “be here now.”
2. Work hard (in practice and at games.)
3. Be nice to yourselves and one another. (Only positive words and thoughts about yourself and other people! Don’t take anything personally. Check out your assumptions, they are OFTEN incorrect, and can be where the biggest misunderstandings come from.)
4. Have Fun.
5. Teamwork is critical.
My philosophy in coaching high school sports is that it is a great Petri dish for life leadership skills. My goal is to set the container, but leave room for individuality and a team personality to form. As things come up during the season, I continue to remind the girls of these basic expectations. Of course, they are fourteen. Just because I remind them doesn’t make them immediately comply.
After our first losing tournament, I sent the team away at the end of the day with an admonition to look at the system and to come back at the next practice and tell me what they thought was the issue. They came back saying that they thought our problem in that tournament was that teamwork and trust fell apart. I agreed, so we talked about why they thought that happened and what we could do to change it. Interestingly enough, most of the areas for “team” improvement that the girls identified take place off the court where acts of service to one another and the team take place without coach supervision. For example, the girls need to take turns acting as refs and line judges during off matches, setting the nets up and taking them down before and after practices, (and some don’t contribute equally) and there is not always agreement about how to get pumped up pre-match. To offset this, a couple of the girls distributed schedules for fair work assignments, and I assigned a diverse group of three to choose and lead pre-game preparation.
Unfortunately, the next tournament did not start out well for us again. I noticed a tone of dissonance on the team, but couldn’t tell exactly what the issue was. One of the girls was brave enough to come tell us that some of the girls were wondering about one of my coaching choices. (One of my best passers was sick, so I’d moved one of my three middle hitters to the outside because she hits hard, passes well, moves quickly, and generally works very hard in every practice.) I thanked the girl for her honesty and her feedback, then sat the girls down and told them that part of trusting the system was also to trust the coaches’ decisions. I reminded them that my goal was always to win AND play all the girls as much as possible, and told them that sometimes I make choices to move people from their “preferred role” because I need a specific skill set. I also reminded them that volleyball was a team sport, not an individual sport, and told them to go away and come back to the next match having found that team spirit that we need to win.
I will give them credit for finding their team spirit and mostly leaving their individual egos behind. My assistant and I continued to make playing decisions that rocked the boat, but the girls handled it better, at least on the surface. At the end of the tournament, I reminded them all that they earn their spots on the team every minute, every day, and every week, and that I need them to work as hard in practice as they do in tournaments because that is where they will continue to improve.
I have seen improvement this week. We’ll see how well it comes together at our next tournament.
****
The importance of feedback came up for me again this week, this time in a role when I was “the beginner leader.” Monday, I taught my first group exercise class at my gym. I struggled with technical difficulties with the music and the microphone, and overlooked some basic principles helpful to group exercise instructors. One student left –not a great sign and not especially helpful —but several other students gave me great feedback, which I was able to apply immediately, improving the experience for everyone, and also apply successfully with my next class. This Sunday, I taught again, and got rave reviews even from some notoriously difficult to please students.
As a student or employee, having the courage to give feedback to your boss or instructor helps them lead you and your team better. As a leader, telling your team why you are making specific decisions may not feel necessary, but it helps clarify your expectations and establishes higher levels of trust, which in turn can lead to higher levels of performance.
“If you don't get feedback from your performers and your audience, you're going to be working in a vacuum.” –Peter Maxwell Davies
Specific and honest feedback can be difficult, both to give and to receive, but it can also help make the difference between mediocre performances and great ones.
For more about leading an effective life as an authentic and courageous leader, or for more about youth and individual leadership programs that align body / mind / spirit, e-mail me or view my website.
-Ken Blanchard
I coach a girls U15 club volleyball team. Success in six-on-six volleyball requires intense collaboration from the entire team. Each position requires its own set of strengths and skills. To stay “in system” requires trust, collective skill, and individual talent. If any touch of the ball is off even just slightly, the entire system is impacted, and the team must adjust both individually and cohesively and with physical, mental and emotional agility in order to win points and the match.
The role of volleyball coach draws on all my intrinsic strengths and passions, and challenges me to stretch in ways that make me a better leader. I love selecting and getting to know and understand twelve diverse and emergent personalities, developing them into a strong and cohesive team, and rendering them capable of winning matches together using all of their individual and collective skills in a short time period.
I do it because I love it, but that doesn’t make it easy.
The last two tournaments have not been kind to us. The “tiger spirit” that has been our “come from behind” saving grace and earned us a 3rd place spot in a prior tournament went missing.
In the beginning of the season, I told the girls that the team was their team as much as it was ours (my assistant coach and mine.) I let them know that they would have the opportunity to help set the tone of the team. I also told them that my goal is to both win and play all of them, but that play time would not be equal. To help them understand my philosophy and style so they could be successful, I gave them a list of my expectations:
1. Focus & “be here now.”
2. Work hard (in practice and at games.)
3. Be nice to yourselves and one another. (Only positive words and thoughts about yourself and other people! Don’t take anything personally. Check out your assumptions, they are OFTEN incorrect, and can be where the biggest misunderstandings come from.)
4. Have Fun.
5. Teamwork is critical.
My philosophy in coaching high school sports is that it is a great Petri dish for life leadership skills. My goal is to set the container, but leave room for individuality and a team personality to form. As things come up during the season, I continue to remind the girls of these basic expectations. Of course, they are fourteen. Just because I remind them doesn’t make them immediately comply.
After our first losing tournament, I sent the team away at the end of the day with an admonition to look at the system and to come back at the next practice and tell me what they thought was the issue. They came back saying that they thought our problem in that tournament was that teamwork and trust fell apart. I agreed, so we talked about why they thought that happened and what we could do to change it. Interestingly enough, most of the areas for “team” improvement that the girls identified take place off the court where acts of service to one another and the team take place without coach supervision. For example, the girls need to take turns acting as refs and line judges during off matches, setting the nets up and taking them down before and after practices, (and some don’t contribute equally) and there is not always agreement about how to get pumped up pre-match. To offset this, a couple of the girls distributed schedules for fair work assignments, and I assigned a diverse group of three to choose and lead pre-game preparation.
Unfortunately, the next tournament did not start out well for us again. I noticed a tone of dissonance on the team, but couldn’t tell exactly what the issue was. One of the girls was brave enough to come tell us that some of the girls were wondering about one of my coaching choices. (One of my best passers was sick, so I’d moved one of my three middle hitters to the outside because she hits hard, passes well, moves quickly, and generally works very hard in every practice.) I thanked the girl for her honesty and her feedback, then sat the girls down and told them that part of trusting the system was also to trust the coaches’ decisions. I reminded them that my goal was always to win AND play all the girls as much as possible, and told them that sometimes I make choices to move people from their “preferred role” because I need a specific skill set. I also reminded them that volleyball was a team sport, not an individual sport, and told them to go away and come back to the next match having found that team spirit that we need to win.
I will give them credit for finding their team spirit and mostly leaving their individual egos behind. My assistant and I continued to make playing decisions that rocked the boat, but the girls handled it better, at least on the surface. At the end of the tournament, I reminded them all that they earn their spots on the team every minute, every day, and every week, and that I need them to work as hard in practice as they do in tournaments because that is where they will continue to improve.
I have seen improvement this week. We’ll see how well it comes together at our next tournament.
****
The importance of feedback came up for me again this week, this time in a role when I was “the beginner leader.” Monday, I taught my first group exercise class at my gym. I struggled with technical difficulties with the music and the microphone, and overlooked some basic principles helpful to group exercise instructors. One student left –not a great sign and not especially helpful —but several other students gave me great feedback, which I was able to apply immediately, improving the experience for everyone, and also apply successfully with my next class. This Sunday, I taught again, and got rave reviews even from some notoriously difficult to please students.
As a student or employee, having the courage to give feedback to your boss or instructor helps them lead you and your team better. As a leader, telling your team why you are making specific decisions may not feel necessary, but it helps clarify your expectations and establishes higher levels of trust, which in turn can lead to higher levels of performance.
“If you don't get feedback from your performers and your audience, you're going to be working in a vacuum.” –Peter Maxwell Davies
Specific and honest feedback can be difficult, both to give and to receive, but it can also help make the difference between mediocre performances and great ones.
For more about leading an effective life as an authentic and courageous leader, or for more about youth and individual leadership programs that align body / mind / spirit, e-mail me or view my website.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Confessions of Reluctant Leadership
“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
--Anais Nin
One of the questions people ask me most frequently when they learn what I do for a living is how I got started. It is an excellent question! The short answer is that I got tired of being part of what I see as the problem, and decided to become part of the solution. The long answer is filled with the trials and tribulations of a true hero’s journey, and maybe someday I’ll write that story. Meanwhile, I will try to give you the medium-sized answer, and like Goldilocks’ adventures, but with less broken furniture, I hope you will find it “just right”.
Throughout most of my life, I approached leadership reluctantly. I am the second daughter of six children, with four younger brothers. I was lovingly but strictly raised by two very different parenting styles, and preferred the methods of my father, who used motivation rather than power to influence us. In high school, I was involved in many activities: sports, drama, music, student government, etcetera. I was called upon to lead, but I mostly preferred supporting the leader or the team, rather than being the leader myself. Freedom, fun, and flexibility are important to me, and when everyone is expecting you to lead, those values are often the first to go by the wayside.
My senior year in high school, my basketball coach had a conversation with me that was probably very frustrating for him. I was the only remaining starter from our successful prior year, and he asked me if I was ready to be a star. My response was an emphatic no. He looked extremely disappointed, and was going to walk away, so I added, “I want us to be a really good team, and I want my role to contribute to that success, but I don’t want to be a star.” I went on to have the best year of my career, and our team was successful, but it was definitely a team effort.
I believe that story sums up my approach to corporate leadership as well. I enjoyed being a leader beneath the radar, striving to serve internal and external customers while balancing the financial and regulatory needs of the organization. I learned to develop a flexible structure that could change easily to serve the rapidly evolving nature of the industries and businesses I supported. To keep up with my desire to be an expert in my field, I constantly attended classes, and read books and articles related to my function. When I earned my first promotion to a management position, I began to include leadership and management books, classes and articles in my thirst for knowledge.
Einstein once said "Study a subject for just 15 minutes a day ... in a year you will be an expert, and in five years you may be a national expert."
Of course, leadership, like emotional intelligence, is a topic that takes practice as well as book knowledge to gain expertise. To increase my ability as a leader, rather than seeking out more visible roles in the organizations I worked for, I stepped up my leadership roles in the community. Because I practiced these skills in my volunteer roles, my teams became more successful in the workplace. I gained more responsibility, and more confidence. As I saw that the servant based methods of leadership I learned from books and from other leaders in practice in the community were working with my organizational teams, I became frustrated with power and ego based management that created silos rather than a united front.
During this period, I also became angrier with the response and lack of response to various events in the world, and deeply frustrated with the lack of ethical leadership in our country and in our corporations.
In 2005, I had what I like to refer to in my best days as a “Rosa Parks moment,” and --in an assignment on failure for a leadership class in grad school-- as “my big fat leadership failure.” Many experiences rolled together to blend into a “perfect storm.” My anger at injustice, incompetence, ego-centric leadership, and vacuous politics finally reached the point where it became a catalyst for change at any cost.
Essentially, I got mad, and took a stand. It was probably the scariest experience of my career. I knew it could end badly, but I could no longer look at myself in the mirror if I ducked and ran for cover and continued with status quo. I walked into the fire with the best of my strategic arsenal, held onto my integrity, came out of it better off financially, and continue to be proud of the result.
I spent the first year of my post-corporate role doing exactly what I recommend and encourage you to do. I identified my core values, my strengths, my capabilities and my wants (in life and in a career.) I prioritized them, created a plan and began actively working that plan while remaining open to new ideas and concepts. I worked with a coach (several of them, actually) to help me see myself as others do, and worked on eliminating some of my blocks.
Ultimately, I determined that because of my strengths, experiences (work and life), and passion for a better world, I am well-suited to coach other (potentially reluctant) leaders to step into a life of vitality and purpose. Rosabeth Moss Kantor said, “Leaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach.” The lessons I’m teaching clients are lessons I’ve walked firsthand myself. I’ve been in the fire and survived it. Today, I continue to work with my plan, refine it, and adapt to inevitable changes.
I chose this field in part because I am good at it, and in part because I couldn’t narrow down the other causes I care about enough to choose just one of them. By encouraging others to tap into their own passions and build their leadership arsenal, I’m hoping that many of the causes I care about will be more successful with other passionate and authentic people leading the charge with intention and skill. Meanwhile, I continue to develop and practice my passion and expertise for maximized individual and organizational (team) performance.
It takes courage to step into your full potential. You’ll have setbacks. You’ll have bad days. But you’ll have good days too. As Marianne Williamson says,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
One thing I have always known about one of my intrinsic leadership strengths is that when others see me succeed, (or even make a fool out of myself trying,) it gives them the courage or the belief in themselves to make the effort as well. For me, some days, just knowing this gives me the strength to keep putting myself in situations that evoke the fear response, and then walk deliberately through the fire.
Sometimes I have help and support from others, but occasionally I need to walk the fire alone. Every day brings a new lesson, and more challenges to strengthen me. Occasionally I am still a reluctant leader … fun, flexibility and freedom are right up there with knowledge, integrity and courage as my top values. But the world needs more courageous and vital leaders, and I believe I have a responsibility to answer that call.
I encourage each of you … step into the courage, get to know yourself, be the change …
For more about my work and my passion for a better world, e-mail me or view my website.
--Anais Nin
One of the questions people ask me most frequently when they learn what I do for a living is how I got started. It is an excellent question! The short answer is that I got tired of being part of what I see as the problem, and decided to become part of the solution. The long answer is filled with the trials and tribulations of a true hero’s journey, and maybe someday I’ll write that story. Meanwhile, I will try to give you the medium-sized answer, and like Goldilocks’ adventures, but with less broken furniture, I hope you will find it “just right”.
Throughout most of my life, I approached leadership reluctantly. I am the second daughter of six children, with four younger brothers. I was lovingly but strictly raised by two very different parenting styles, and preferred the methods of my father, who used motivation rather than power to influence us. In high school, I was involved in many activities: sports, drama, music, student government, etcetera. I was called upon to lead, but I mostly preferred supporting the leader or the team, rather than being the leader myself. Freedom, fun, and flexibility are important to me, and when everyone is expecting you to lead, those values are often the first to go by the wayside.
My senior year in high school, my basketball coach had a conversation with me that was probably very frustrating for him. I was the only remaining starter from our successful prior year, and he asked me if I was ready to be a star. My response was an emphatic no. He looked extremely disappointed, and was going to walk away, so I added, “I want us to be a really good team, and I want my role to contribute to that success, but I don’t want to be a star.” I went on to have the best year of my career, and our team was successful, but it was definitely a team effort.
I believe that story sums up my approach to corporate leadership as well. I enjoyed being a leader beneath the radar, striving to serve internal and external customers while balancing the financial and regulatory needs of the organization. I learned to develop a flexible structure that could change easily to serve the rapidly evolving nature of the industries and businesses I supported. To keep up with my desire to be an expert in my field, I constantly attended classes, and read books and articles related to my function. When I earned my first promotion to a management position, I began to include leadership and management books, classes and articles in my thirst for knowledge.
Einstein once said "Study a subject for just 15 minutes a day ... in a year you will be an expert, and in five years you may be a national expert."
Of course, leadership, like emotional intelligence, is a topic that takes practice as well as book knowledge to gain expertise. To increase my ability as a leader, rather than seeking out more visible roles in the organizations I worked for, I stepped up my leadership roles in the community. Because I practiced these skills in my volunteer roles, my teams became more successful in the workplace. I gained more responsibility, and more confidence. As I saw that the servant based methods of leadership I learned from books and from other leaders in practice in the community were working with my organizational teams, I became frustrated with power and ego based management that created silos rather than a united front.
During this period, I also became angrier with the response and lack of response to various events in the world, and deeply frustrated with the lack of ethical leadership in our country and in our corporations.
In 2005, I had what I like to refer to in my best days as a “Rosa Parks moment,” and --in an assignment on failure for a leadership class in grad school-- as “my big fat leadership failure.” Many experiences rolled together to blend into a “perfect storm.” My anger at injustice, incompetence, ego-centric leadership, and vacuous politics finally reached the point where it became a catalyst for change at any cost.
Essentially, I got mad, and took a stand. It was probably the scariest experience of my career. I knew it could end badly, but I could no longer look at myself in the mirror if I ducked and ran for cover and continued with status quo. I walked into the fire with the best of my strategic arsenal, held onto my integrity, came out of it better off financially, and continue to be proud of the result.
I spent the first year of my post-corporate role doing exactly what I recommend and encourage you to do. I identified my core values, my strengths, my capabilities and my wants (in life and in a career.) I prioritized them, created a plan and began actively working that plan while remaining open to new ideas and concepts. I worked with a coach (several of them, actually) to help me see myself as others do, and worked on eliminating some of my blocks.
Ultimately, I determined that because of my strengths, experiences (work and life), and passion for a better world, I am well-suited to coach other (potentially reluctant) leaders to step into a life of vitality and purpose. Rosabeth Moss Kantor said, “Leaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach.” The lessons I’m teaching clients are lessons I’ve walked firsthand myself. I’ve been in the fire and survived it. Today, I continue to work with my plan, refine it, and adapt to inevitable changes.
I chose this field in part because I am good at it, and in part because I couldn’t narrow down the other causes I care about enough to choose just one of them. By encouraging others to tap into their own passions and build their leadership arsenal, I’m hoping that many of the causes I care about will be more successful with other passionate and authentic people leading the charge with intention and skill. Meanwhile, I continue to develop and practice my passion and expertise for maximized individual and organizational (team) performance.
It takes courage to step into your full potential. You’ll have setbacks. You’ll have bad days. But you’ll have good days too. As Marianne Williamson says,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
One thing I have always known about one of my intrinsic leadership strengths is that when others see me succeed, (or even make a fool out of myself trying,) it gives them the courage or the belief in themselves to make the effort as well. For me, some days, just knowing this gives me the strength to keep putting myself in situations that evoke the fear response, and then walk deliberately through the fire.
Sometimes I have help and support from others, but occasionally I need to walk the fire alone. Every day brings a new lesson, and more challenges to strengthen me. Occasionally I am still a reluctant leader … fun, flexibility and freedom are right up there with knowledge, integrity and courage as my top values. But the world needs more courageous and vital leaders, and I believe I have a responsibility to answer that call.
I encourage each of you … step into the courage, get to know yourself, be the change …
For more about my work and my passion for a better world, e-mail me or view my website.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Leadership and Followership
“You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too.”
–Sam Rayburn
I coach a U15 club volleyball team; our first Power League tournament was this past weekend. In preparation for the event, I reminded the girls that one of the toughest challenges in leadership is often the ability to step back and play a support role when required. It takes a strong leader to be able to stay focused and fully engaged even when not being called upon to participate in a way that uses her best skills. There are 12 girls on my team, and 6 spots on the court. Because it is a competitive but young (freshman,) club team, my commitment to the girls and their parents during tournaments is to somehow find the balance between winning matches and giving each girl enough time on the court to feel a sense of participation and be able to test her skills. This means bench time at some point even for some of our strongest players.
As I thought through all of this, I remembered one of the toughest support roles I played when I was about that age. I was in my high school drama club, cast as Margot Frank (Anne’s older sister) in The Diary of Anne Frank. (Remember Margot? That’s what I thought.) The biggest challenge was that the speaking role for this part was very small, but I had to be on stage the entire play, paying attention to the others, staying in character, and ready for my lines when they happened. My drama coach (who was also my volleyball coach) knew it was hard for me to stay in character without the spotlight and action. (Melodrama and geeky stuff are my specialties, remember?) I still remember him acknowledging that he knew it was hard for me to have such a quiet role, encouraging me to stay with it, and convincing me that this role was more difficult and challenging because of its silence. Looking back, I don’t know that I played my role especially well, but I do know that the entire cast was in tears at the end of the play when the Gestapo came to get them, and Anne’s father said, “For years we have lived in fear, now we can live in hope.” I will always remember the feeling of receiving a standing ovation from the crowd, even though my role was minor.
In my leadership and team building sessions with intact teams we often ask the team leader to step back and allow his / her team to determine the course of action for each experiential leadership initiative. Most leaders --no matter whether they are the VP or the line supervisor-- tell us this is an extremely challenging task. Yet the best way a leader can grow his / her team is to allow them to make decisions, steer the course, support them, and allow them to learn from their inevitable mistakes. “A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” –James Joyce.
I do not claim to be an expert leader; I definitely make mistakes. But I hope that my coaching, support, and willingness to learn from my own mistakes continue to create in me the leader that I hope to become.
–Sam Rayburn
I coach a U15 club volleyball team; our first Power League tournament was this past weekend. In preparation for the event, I reminded the girls that one of the toughest challenges in leadership is often the ability to step back and play a support role when required. It takes a strong leader to be able to stay focused and fully engaged even when not being called upon to participate in a way that uses her best skills. There are 12 girls on my team, and 6 spots on the court. Because it is a competitive but young (freshman,) club team, my commitment to the girls and their parents during tournaments is to somehow find the balance between winning matches and giving each girl enough time on the court to feel a sense of participation and be able to test her skills. This means bench time at some point even for some of our strongest players.
As I thought through all of this, I remembered one of the toughest support roles I played when I was about that age. I was in my high school drama club, cast as Margot Frank (Anne’s older sister) in The Diary of Anne Frank. (Remember Margot? That’s what I thought.) The biggest challenge was that the speaking role for this part was very small, but I had to be on stage the entire play, paying attention to the others, staying in character, and ready for my lines when they happened. My drama coach (who was also my volleyball coach) knew it was hard for me to stay in character without the spotlight and action. (Melodrama and geeky stuff are my specialties, remember?) I still remember him acknowledging that he knew it was hard for me to have such a quiet role, encouraging me to stay with it, and convincing me that this role was more difficult and challenging because of its silence. Looking back, I don’t know that I played my role especially well, but I do know that the entire cast was in tears at the end of the play when the Gestapo came to get them, and Anne’s father said, “For years we have lived in fear, now we can live in hope.” I will always remember the feeling of receiving a standing ovation from the crowd, even though my role was minor.
In my leadership and team building sessions with intact teams we often ask the team leader to step back and allow his / her team to determine the course of action for each experiential leadership initiative. Most leaders --no matter whether they are the VP or the line supervisor-- tell us this is an extremely challenging task. Yet the best way a leader can grow his / her team is to allow them to make decisions, steer the course, support them, and allow them to learn from their inevitable mistakes. “A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” –James Joyce.
I do not claim to be an expert leader; I definitely make mistakes. But I hope that my coaching, support, and willingness to learn from my own mistakes continue to create in me the leader that I hope to become.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Resilience & Intuitive Learning
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
--Confucius
I watched the animated movie The Incredibles with a friend last week. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen the film, of course. I watched it multiple times with my extended family when it released in 2004. Both of my oldest nephews, who were four at the time, became Dash, for at least a year. To complete this transformation, my sister created costumes for both families, including one for my dad, who transformed into “Grandpa Incredible.”
This time as I watched the movie, I found myself viewing it through my leadership lens. I still enjoyed the humor, applauded Mr. Incredible’s need to work in a field that best used his talents rather than wasting away in a cubicle in the insurance company, and of course cheered when the Incredibles kicked some serious bad-guy butt. But it was the omnidroid that caught my attention --the intelligent destructive robot designed to adjust rapidly to its own failure, quickly learn new behaviors, and through this rapid learning, defeat all superheroes.
This type of rapid learning and resilience, although displayed in The Incredibles in a villainous robot designed by Syndrome, is exactly what today’s leaders need to grow and thrive. With rapid advances in technology and consumer knowledge, constant change and increasingly stressful conditions, it is getting more and more difficult for leaders in all sectors to rely on experience alone.
Resilience, defined by Merriam-Webster, is “the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” This article in Psychiatric News, discloses that graduating from the school of hard knocks may be more than just a cliché. The article discusses the brain circuitry underlying resilience, and states, “Successfully coping with a stressful situation can prime one for dealing with subsequent stressful situations that are not controllable. The brain circuitry that underlies this transfer of resiliency includes the prefrontal cortex and brainstem.” The good news is that other research shows that our brain has the capability for resilience and increased intuitive learning even without suffering from too many hard knocks –by reprogramming connections between the pre-frontal cortex and areas in the “reptilian brain”.
Studies increasingly show that regular meditation is one way to increase the capacity for both intuitive learning and resiliency. Regular practice of experiential emotional intelligence techniques can also help re-program old pathways that may cause emotional hijacking which gets in the way of intuition and learning.
Resilient people are more likely to be willing to risk failure, adjust to change, stand up for their beliefs, and persevere through obstacles. Intuition enables you to tap into wisdom that goes beyond your own experience. Don’t those sound like qualities everyone could use?
For more information about increasing your levels of resilience, for techniques that can combat emotional hijacking, or to learn how to increase intuition and wisdom, contact me or view my website.
--Confucius
I watched the animated movie The Incredibles with a friend last week. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen the film, of course. I watched it multiple times with my extended family when it released in 2004. Both of my oldest nephews, who were four at the time, became Dash, for at least a year. To complete this transformation, my sister created costumes for both families, including one for my dad, who transformed into “Grandpa Incredible.”
This time as I watched the movie, I found myself viewing it through my leadership lens. I still enjoyed the humor, applauded Mr. Incredible’s need to work in a field that best used his talents rather than wasting away in a cubicle in the insurance company, and of course cheered when the Incredibles kicked some serious bad-guy butt. But it was the omnidroid that caught my attention --the intelligent destructive robot designed to adjust rapidly to its own failure, quickly learn new behaviors, and through this rapid learning, defeat all superheroes.
This type of rapid learning and resilience, although displayed in The Incredibles in a villainous robot designed by Syndrome, is exactly what today’s leaders need to grow and thrive. With rapid advances in technology and consumer knowledge, constant change and increasingly stressful conditions, it is getting more and more difficult for leaders in all sectors to rely on experience alone.
Resilience, defined by Merriam-Webster, is “the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” This article in Psychiatric News, discloses that graduating from the school of hard knocks may be more than just a cliché. The article discusses the brain circuitry underlying resilience, and states, “Successfully coping with a stressful situation can prime one for dealing with subsequent stressful situations that are not controllable. The brain circuitry that underlies this transfer of resiliency includes the prefrontal cortex and brainstem.” The good news is that other research shows that our brain has the capability for resilience and increased intuitive learning even without suffering from too many hard knocks –by reprogramming connections between the pre-frontal cortex and areas in the “reptilian brain”.
Studies increasingly show that regular meditation is one way to increase the capacity for both intuitive learning and resiliency. Regular practice of experiential emotional intelligence techniques can also help re-program old pathways that may cause emotional hijacking which gets in the way of intuition and learning.
Resilient people are more likely to be willing to risk failure, adjust to change, stand up for their beliefs, and persevere through obstacles. Intuition enables you to tap into wisdom that goes beyond your own experience. Don’t those sound like qualities everyone could use?
For more information about increasing your levels of resilience, for techniques that can combat emotional hijacking, or to learn how to increase intuition and wisdom, contact me or view my website.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Don't Make Assumptions
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” –Henry Winkler
When I taught Emotional Intelligence courses with Teams and Leaders, my favorite part of our two-day seminar tapped into my latent acting skills. (My specialties are melodrama, and anything that allows me to bring out my geeky side.)
The lesson began this way: I stood at the front of the room, and stated, “I have been with Teams and Leaders for some time now, and of all the things I have learned, this one lesson has been most meaningful to me….” Then I paused, put my hands to my face, bowed my head slightly, and was silent. After a length of time, which was inevitably uncomfortable for everyone in the room, I would look up, turn to the white board, and ask, “Ok, what just happened?”
Depending on how good my acting skills were that day, the classroom would respond by saying variations of, “you were about to cry,” “you were overcome by emotion,” “you forgot what you were going to say” or “you got all melodramatic on us”. Occasionally, some of the answers were complete detailed anecdotes about my behavior that a particular person –or the entire class—projected onto me.
Once we had a good sized list from the class written on the board, I asked, “Of all these things, which of them are actual facts?” In most classes, as in most of our lives, it took some time before the class was willing to let go of the idea that the list of their interpretations was NOT already fact. But once they caught on, they began stating the actual truths about what they saw and heard. “You were silent.” “You put your hands to your face.” “You bowed your head.”
We go through our entire lives interpreting the things we experience with our five senses, making assumptions based on prior experiences or future projections. Unfortunately, because the world is so complex, (and because one different choice today can lead to a new outcome tomorrow) this doesn’t always serve us well.
As an example, I confess that I had myself an unexpected good cry a couple weeks ago based on something I saw and the assumptions I made. I woke up the next morning, still sad, but remembered the lesson and decided to take the risk and ask the person about what I’d seen. The truth was very different than my imagined scenario, and I had to laugh at myself for tripping over my own favorite life lesson.
The lesson, stated, is easy: make no assumptions. However, it is a difficult lesson to master. We all tend to treat history, experience, concepts and ideas as facts, instead of realizing that we have no idea what another person is thinking, experiencing or believing until we ask them.
As Don Miguel Ruiz states in his book The Four Agreements, “all the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally… if others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fill our need to know … if we hear something and we don’t understand, we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions.”
My request to you is muster up the courage to ask hard questions. Find a voice to ask for what you want instead of assuming that the other person will know. Check in with the person you are making assumptions about to find out their truth about the situation. You might not get the answer you hope for, but by having the courage to ask, you free yourself from much drama and sadness, and can move more easily into a life of freedom. Make this a habit, and you have the power to transform your life.
When I taught Emotional Intelligence courses with Teams and Leaders, my favorite part of our two-day seminar tapped into my latent acting skills. (My specialties are melodrama, and anything that allows me to bring out my geeky side.)
The lesson began this way: I stood at the front of the room, and stated, “I have been with Teams and Leaders for some time now, and of all the things I have learned, this one lesson has been most meaningful to me….” Then I paused, put my hands to my face, bowed my head slightly, and was silent. After a length of time, which was inevitably uncomfortable for everyone in the room, I would look up, turn to the white board, and ask, “Ok, what just happened?”
Depending on how good my acting skills were that day, the classroom would respond by saying variations of, “you were about to cry,” “you were overcome by emotion,” “you forgot what you were going to say” or “you got all melodramatic on us”. Occasionally, some of the answers were complete detailed anecdotes about my behavior that a particular person –or the entire class—projected onto me.
Once we had a good sized list from the class written on the board, I asked, “Of all these things, which of them are actual facts?” In most classes, as in most of our lives, it took some time before the class was willing to let go of the idea that the list of their interpretations was NOT already fact. But once they caught on, they began stating the actual truths about what they saw and heard. “You were silent.” “You put your hands to your face.” “You bowed your head.”
We go through our entire lives interpreting the things we experience with our five senses, making assumptions based on prior experiences or future projections. Unfortunately, because the world is so complex, (and because one different choice today can lead to a new outcome tomorrow) this doesn’t always serve us well.
As an example, I confess that I had myself an unexpected good cry a couple weeks ago based on something I saw and the assumptions I made. I woke up the next morning, still sad, but remembered the lesson and decided to take the risk and ask the person about what I’d seen. The truth was very different than my imagined scenario, and I had to laugh at myself for tripping over my own favorite life lesson.
The lesson, stated, is easy: make no assumptions. However, it is a difficult lesson to master. We all tend to treat history, experience, concepts and ideas as facts, instead of realizing that we have no idea what another person is thinking, experiencing or believing until we ask them.
As Don Miguel Ruiz states in his book The Four Agreements, “all the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally… if others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fill our need to know … if we hear something and we don’t understand, we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions.”
My request to you is muster up the courage to ask hard questions. Find a voice to ask for what you want instead of assuming that the other person will know. Check in with the person you are making assumptions about to find out their truth about the situation. You might not get the answer you hope for, but by having the courage to ask, you free yourself from much drama and sadness, and can move more easily into a life of freedom. Make this a habit, and you have the power to transform your life.
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