Confessions of Reluctant Leadership

“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
--Anais Nin

One of the questions people ask me most frequently when they learn what I do for a living is how I got started. It is an excellent question! The short answer is that I got tired of being part of what I see as the problem, and decided to become part of the solution. The long answer is filled with the trials and tribulations of a true hero’s journey, and maybe someday I’ll write that story. Meanwhile, I will try to give you the medium-sized answer, and like Goldilocks’ adventures, but with less broken furniture, I hope you will find it “just right”.

Throughout most of my life, I approached leadership reluctantly. I am the second daughter of six children, with four younger brothers. I was lovingly but strictly raised by two very different parenting styles, and preferred the methods of my father, who used motivation rather than power to influence us. In high school, I was involved in many activities: sports, drama, music, student government, etcetera. I was called upon to lead, but I mostly preferred supporting the leader or the team, rather than being the leader myself. Freedom, fun, and flexibility are important to me, and when everyone is expecting you to lead, those values are often the first to go by the wayside.

My senior year in high school, my basketball coach had a conversation with me that was probably very frustrating for him. I was the only remaining starter from our successful prior year, and he asked me if I was ready to be a star. My response was an emphatic no. He looked extremely disappointed, and was going to walk away, so I added, “I want us to be a really good team, and I want my role to contribute to that success, but I don’t want to be a star.” I went on to have the best year of my career, and our team was successful, but it was definitely a team effort.

I believe that story sums up my approach to corporate leadership as well. I enjoyed being a leader beneath the radar, striving to serve internal and external customers while balancing the financial and regulatory needs of the organization. I learned to develop a flexible structure that could change easily to serve the rapidly evolving nature of the industries and businesses I supported. To keep up with my desire to be an expert in my field, I constantly attended classes, and read books and articles related to my function. When I earned my first promotion to a management position, I began to include leadership and management books, classes and articles in my thirst for knowledge.

Einstein once said "Study a subject for just 15 minutes a day ... in a year you will be an expert, and in five years you may be a national expert."

Of course, leadership, like emotional intelligence, is a topic that takes practice as well as book knowledge to gain expertise. To increase my ability as a leader, rather than seeking out more visible roles in the organizations I worked for, I stepped up my leadership roles in the community. Because I practiced these skills in my volunteer roles, my teams became more successful in the workplace. I gained more responsibility, and more confidence. As I saw that the servant based methods of leadership I learned from books and from other leaders in practice in the community were working with my organizational teams, I became frustrated with power and ego based management that created silos rather than a united front.

During this period, I also became angrier with the response and lack of response to various events in the world, and deeply frustrated with the lack of ethical leadership in our country and in our corporations.

In 2005, I had what I like to refer to in my best days as a “Rosa Parks moment,” and --in an assignment on failure for a leadership class in grad school-- as “my big fat leadership failure.” Many experiences rolled together to blend into a “perfect storm.” My anger at injustice, incompetence, ego-centric leadership, and vacuous politics finally reached the point where it became a catalyst for change at any cost.

Essentially, I got mad, and took a stand. It was probably the scariest experience of my career. I knew it could end badly, but I could no longer look at myself in the mirror if I ducked and ran for cover and continued with status quo. I walked into the fire with the best of my strategic arsenal, held onto my integrity, came out of it better off financially, and continue to be proud of the result.

I spent the first year of my post-corporate role doing exactly what I recommend and encourage you to do. I identified my core values, my strengths, my capabilities and my wants (in life and in a career.) I prioritized them, created a plan and began actively working that plan while remaining open to new ideas and concepts. I worked with a coach (several of them, actually) to help me see myself as others do, and worked on eliminating some of my blocks.

Ultimately, I determined that because of my strengths, experiences (work and life), and passion for a better world, I am well-suited to coach other (potentially reluctant) leaders to step into a life of vitality and purpose. Rosabeth Moss Kantor said, “Leaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach.” The lessons I’m teaching clients are lessons I’ve walked firsthand myself. I’ve been in the fire and survived it. Today, I continue to work with my plan, refine it, and adapt to inevitable changes.

I chose this field in part because I am good at it, and in part because I couldn’t narrow down the other causes I care about enough to choose just one of them. By encouraging others to tap into their own passions and build their leadership arsenal, I’m hoping that many of the causes I care about will be more successful with other passionate and authentic people leading the charge with intention and skill.  Meanwhile, I continue to develop and practice my passion and expertise for maximized individual and organizational (team) performance.

It takes courage to step into your full potential. You’ll have setbacks. You’ll have bad days. But you’ll have good days too. As Marianne Williamson says,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

One thing I have always known about one of my intrinsic leadership strengths is that when others see me succeed, (or even make a fool out of myself trying,) it gives them the courage or the belief in themselves to make the effort as well. For me, some days, just knowing this gives me the strength to keep putting myself in situations that evoke the fear response, and then walk deliberately through the fire.

Sometimes I have help and support from others, but occasionally I need to walk the fire alone. Every day brings a new lesson, and more challenges to strengthen me. Occasionally I am still a reluctant leader … fun, flexibility and freedom are right up there with knowledge, integrity and courage as my top values. But the world needs more courageous and vital leaders, and I believe I have a responsibility to answer that call.

I encourage each of you … step into the courage, get to know yourself, be the change …

For more about my work and my passion for a better world, e-mail me or view my website.